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Also, there is something about writing Tom’s name and knowing that every time someone reads it his name is being said. I don’t hear myself say his name anymore and I really miss just saying and hearing his name.

In order to protect my children’s privacy I want to say respectfully, “What happens here, stays here.” I feel very vulnerable sharing some of this, therefore I ask that if you see my kids out with me or by themselves, please don’t mention the blog. I assume they’ll read it in their own time, but I can’t imagine the embarrassment they would feel if someone started a conversation with them about what their mother wrote. My first priority will always be my children. I respect how they must be feeling and how they are dealing with this terrible loss in their own ways. 

 
You can talk to me about it though. I hope that I am able to help through my experience. Something good has got to come out of it, right? Also, I’ll talk about Tom any chance I get. And I love to hear other people’s stories about him.

On that note, I think it is important to share what we are going through. It gets tiring repeating the answer to the question, “How are you doing?” So most of the time I say that we’re okay. That’s only partly true. If I told everyone who asked (and thank God so many people are asking, I am grateful for that) how I was really doing, they’d wish they never asked. 

 
I hope that even if these essays bring tears to your eyes, they’ll also bring a smile to your face.

 

There is light.

 

Only read it if you want.

Anyway, here it is…