I was doubting myself the other day. I used to be pretty confident in life, but then I learned everything can change in an instant. It kind of screws with your head and you find yourself second guessing everything you do and every thought you have. In the past, I’d talk over my insecurities with Tom. We’d figure it out and then more often than not, we’d end up laughing about it. (Most of the time, the problem was that I am a complete ding dong.)
But anyway, I was doubting a decision I made recently. I was talking with Alex about it. Unfortunately for him, he is a good listener and never leaves the room prematurely. Therefore, since there are willing ears listening, I ramble on and on. He waits, he thinks, he listens. He says just a few words.
His words always pack a punch. He said:
You are smart.
You’re so much better than you think. You are great at this sort of thing and it is one of the things I admire about you.
Stop worrying- You’ve got this.
He’s like that because of Tom. Tom was quiet, kind, observant. Tom spoke softly and calmly. Tom always noticed people’s qualities and he told them often. Tom was a gentleman.
My teenage son is not perfect and he’s not always a gentleman like his father was, I know. For example, he’s always muddy, he cusses for shock value, and he can never find the ketchup (seriously- in the fridge, right in front of your face, dude). He is funny as Hell though, like Tom.
But, because of the wonderful example Tom gave him for 16 and a half years, Alex knows how to be attentive and encouraging to people when they need it. He’s supportive and kind just like his Dad. He’s intelligent and level headed in all (well, most) of his actions, just like Tom.
He’s so confident about what he says to you, that you just have to believe it.
So I do.
***
***
That is where I was going to end this essay. But, after a nice meal out with Maggie, a glass of wine and a drive west home to the sunset, I realized it was missing something.
It needs to be said that Tom never told Alex how to be a gentleman. Or how to be a responsible adult. Or how to be mindful of someone else’s perspective. Or how to work hard and be generous.
Tom never instructed Alex on any of that. He didn’t need to. He lived it. Remember how I said Alex is a willing listener? He’s also an observer. He observed how Tom was and he listened to how Tom spoke. Thank God he was a witness to Tom’s kindness.
So, be a good adult. Live a good example for your kids. (I’m working really hard on this. I’m kind of in the hot seat now). They are a product of their environment. Alex learned everything he knows from his Dad. (Let it be known that Tom also gets the credit when my son does annoying things 😆)
I guarantee, when you need your kids most, they will be everything you need, because they watched you!
Or in my case, they watched Tom.
