I worked as a dental assistant for years. I was hired straight from my rotation and stayed there until my first baby was born. I had gotten to know all the patients very well and looked forward to seeing my favorites on the schedule.
There was this one couple I’ll never forget. They were quite a bit older than me, and loved to talk about their family and the funny stories of raising their kids
I’ll never forget them because they gave the best advice of my life!
They were so happy when I announced I was expecting and they had some serious advice for me; it was to go on a date once a week no matter what. They were insistent.
Basically, they said:
Go on a date every week. Any night, but the same night each week, so neither of us forgets. Get a sitter, anyone willing, and leave the house as a couple. They said that there would be weeks when we can’t afford it, so we may have to settle for a milkshake in the car, or a walk in the park. They said there would be weeks when we were too tired and wouldn’t feel like going out. But we absolutely must do it. They said don’t talk about the baby, or run errands, just have a good conversation as two adults (not Mommy and Daddy). Enjoy it. Week after week the date will be the highlight and the main thing you look forward to. They insisted that a weekly date is what will hold us together, through the trials of parenthood.
So, right after our first was born (he was probably only two weeks old) we had our first night out without the baby. We just went to a neighbor’s cookout and my parents babysat. It seemed a little soon and it probably was. From that night on though, Saturday night was our night to go on a date. We would scramble up a neighborhood girl or a grandparent and leave the house together for a couple of hours. And those hours were life changing for us. After the second was born, we had a college student come every Saturday night at 6:30. Thank God she was willing and thank God she loved our kids because she came every Saturday night for about 10 years. We couldn’t have had what we had without her!
Our weekly dates were just amazing. We didn’t just have fun, we set goals, we made plans, we fantasized about our future. We had wonderful conversations. I loved how free I felt with Tom. I could tell when he knew I was about to say something amazing or funny or totally off the wall, because he’d get this twinkle in his eye right before I said it. It was an anticipatory twinkle, and he couldn’t wait to hear what was about to come out of my mouth! And his response would be amazing, or funny or totally off the wall! We’d have some wine and talk for an hour or so and then walk to one of our favorite restaurants. Every now and then we’d see a movie or browse shops. There were the occasional parties and events. We just really had a lot of fun dates. More than that we had valuable time together.
So, dammit, I hate that it all ended way too soon. I hate that my Best Friend isn’t here with me to dream about our future together. But over the last 16 1/2 years that we were parents, we had about 858 Saturday nights out together. We truly looked forward to dates and truly liked hanging out together. Not only did I love Tom Tracy, I really, really liked him.
The mandatory weekly date is the best advice I’ve ever gotten.
